Farm life and its' lessons

Boy has it been a tough week on the farm.

Dealing with death is difficult..especially for the little ones that just quite can't understand

why things have to let life go.

We have had 2 calves die due to dehydration and illness and 2 kittens killed

by and unknown source.

Can I tell you that it was one of the most emotionally draining week I have had in quite some time.  The 2nd calf was Mathias'.   Him and I together were going to raise this calf.

A project to call our own.  We had named him Clyde.

We bottle fed him twice a day...walked him numerous time with the halter...scratched his neck...talked to him and simply showed our love.

Mathias was proud of his calf and the ease in which he could do his chores each day.

To tell him that Clyde was not strong enough and had died due to illness and heat...was the hardest thing and to see your child overcome with such sadness and grief that it consumed him to the point of almost a fetal position broke me ....it just tore me up.

But with hugs...talking...sharing stories...each day is getting a bit better.

But now there is that fear....fear of if it could happen again if we venture into another calf.

Fear and loss makes us call upon our faith.  Faith was my word I chose for 2011. 

It is truly been one I have had to focus on.

Faith will get us through...and faith will allow us to move on and pull ourselves up and take another step forward.  With my kids hand in mine...we will step forward.

This farm life is tough...happy...sad all mixed together.

It is teaching the kids lessons right along with Doug and I.

Life is a gift...given to us!  A reminder that this life we have should never be taken for granted.

I am still sad...but I have my FAITH!!

Grant.....

 It was 4 year ago today that Grant Micheal entered our lives!!  It was fair week....the busiest week of the year and he made his debut!!

Induced due to high amount of amniotic fluid...which I feel lucky he is fine because he had a triple nuchal chord around his neck...first one was so tight it had to be cut.  But he came out a crying and weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces!!  

He was another blonde and big blue eyes.

He has brought so much joy and smiles to our lives.   He loves to giggle....run...play tractors...and run and give you a daily hug softly around your leg.   He rarely causes trouble.

He loves his brothers and his baby sister. He is our only blonde.

He is my 4th son and 6th born.

Life is better with him in it.

We love him and hope that his birthday is special to him as much as he is special to us!!

Happy Birthday G!!   We love you so!

Together....

Family....it is what is all about!!

Fatigue....

This little lady doesn't stop moving very often....

but when she does....it means she is 

really tired.

Must have been a busy day for her.

Do you ever wonder....

what a moment means to someone so little? Such a small glimpse of time caught, yet to him it may be such a big memory!

Because to catch such a moment in this little man...where there is no talking...makes me wonder just what has him quiet. What is going through this little mans mind...I can only imagine big things!

Mathias is the winner!

Mathias and his big catch of the day!!

Cuz when you are gonna catch the big one of the day...ya gotta be prepared!

Melting....

How can I just not melt at that smile?

I do have a wonderful Grant!!

My Grant and his baby blues...and the strong, calm hands of his 
brother...James!

Summertime.....

Grant....splishin' and a splashin'...and a smilin'!

Marcus....muddin it!!

Loving the water....but keeping an eye on the shore.

The boys having fun with the Huemann boys!

But the girls....they be soakin' up the rays!!

Thankful Tuesday!!

The little boys and their love for their daddy!

My supersweet and his calmness....

James and his desire to be daring!!

Mathias and his constant interest in new things...or bettering his skills on the old things!!

And it finally came to a head....

It wasn't a nice day here at the Holen house.

It was one of those days you knew it was brewing just waiting to come to a boil...

I despise conflict...always have.   I am the peace maker...always have done that as well.

So when kids start fighting and backtalking....then the not so go with the flow mom is not so nice.

I have always been okay with an occasional xbox time through out the years...

but these games now are addictive, make sibling fight, change the demeanor that they typically have...and my sons are prime examples.

So after multiple warning shots for a timeout from the xbox....things elevated.  Boys simply defied me, yelled at me, and even through things at me.

So...the xbox is now packed up and officially no longer a part of the Holen house.

I tried to stay calm as the loudness got louder of an angry 12 year old...but he finally got the smarts to take a walk and cool down.

A long private discussion took place when the Dad came home.  And for the first time in a long time we had an enjoyable evening.

Mathias has started medicated for his behavioral issues ...which is a whole other subject. I feel guilty as a mom for letting it go on as long as it did...he can't help it and there is help out there.  We are in week 2 of therapy and he is a different boy.   

This summer has had some lessons to be learned.   After hearing a close uncle has cancer it makes one look at life differently.  We hope that our messages sink into our kids so they get the point that all the material things in the world won't make you happy....it is what is inside and family that counts!!

i hope our explosive days are gone.  The pleaser in me soo wanted to give in to his whining and yellling...but i didn't.

Perhaps I am stronger than I think I am!!

~~~~Grace~~~~

I want you to face the mountain

so that you can see,

when the mountain is out of the way

all there is left is Me.

Only I can move the mountain,

only I can push it away,

only I can conquer the problems

that you face today.

Your only job is to believe, to listen to My voice,

and when you hear what I command,

obedience is your choice.

But I will not make it too difficult for the victory

is already Mine,

and I will fill you with My Spirit and through 

you My grace will shine.

Not when you are perfect,

like you think you need to be,

but when your heart is willing to become more

and more like Me.

~~~unknown~~~

Goofy times....

I love seeing my daughters act silly.  I came across this pic from our annual Itasca state park

vacation from last summer!

They are pals...they laugh..they giggle..

they have their own silly language at times.

It warms my heart to know that they stick together because they choose to

and not because they HAVE to!!

They are special to me

and special to each other!

"What the rush?"

So every morning before the kiddos arise I try and take 10 minutes or so to read my devotion

for the day.

This morning it was what is the rush?

Boy isn't it true....we rush and hurry from one thing to the next each day and before we 

know it the day is a blur and its over.

So this devotion spoke about being able to slow down and find time to enjoy each

moment through out our days.

It is funny that this devotion came today because last night just before Doug and I went to bed we commented on how much we got done outside for the day...which was fathers day..and how fast it went.   But I was pleased to say that we did  stop several times and 

just ENJOY the moments with the kids or the breeze and the shade.   

We love being at home...we had kids running around being kids...and at one point we were

all just sitting on the deck talking and laughing as the father of all these kids looked

upon us with a smile...(he didn't know I was watching him)

We stopped and sat in the garden and ate some yummy strawberries...we stopped and stood in the shade and enjoyed the soft breeze and beautiful scenery of our farm.

It was a good day...although I have to say not all of our days we do this but I always

get a kick out of how these devotions come just at the right time.

That is truly the Lord speaking to me and reminding me that I have things to work on and need to enjoy what I have.   Gentle whispers that I have to be open to receive.

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven."

----Ecclesiastes 3:1-----

Its been awhile....

I can't believe its been so long since I have posted a lil something.

Things have been rather chaotic since school out. 

Bedtime has now moved from 830pm to no 1030 if we are lucky.

Kids are already fighting daily...saying "we are bored" and "we never get to do anything."

Sometimes those words flow in one ear and out the next...and somedays theose words make me sad..mad...whatever.

Its hard for me because i am such a people pleaser that i want everyone to be happy....but in a household of 9 that just isn't possible.

I have to learn to accept that.

"give me that...wahhh"..."I had that first...wahhh"...chasing...wrestling...its all so overwhelming!!

I have been finding that including them though in my daily walking bouts that it seems to help get rid of some their energy.   I lately have been saying the younger ones are like puppies....if you exercise them so they are tired...they don't have time to be naughty or fighting.

As we speak....fighting over the door knob....seriously?????

I try to let them solve their own most of the time otherwise I would be a referee 24 hours a day!

but at the days end....I have 7 blessing...that my give me 7 headaches a day...but I wouldn't have it any other way!!

Right or wrong?

Do you ever have those moments with your spouse that

your intentions are good but then it turns south quickly?

Seems to be happening to me DAILY!!

I just despise the thought of right and wrong!

Why can't there be a in between?

Funny....it seems I am always on the wrong side.

Anyone got any advice or techniques that I could perhaps end on the right side?

 

An eeyore kind of mood...

It seems as if I am always a downer on my posts..

Well my personality really isn't a "downer" the majority of the time...but I do have an eeyore kind of mood today.  Trying to keep my eyes open and shake it off and start anew today.  I had my test injection yesterday in my back and if I had to say it was a success...I would say no.   I truly thought i would walk..painfully...into same day surgery...have the injection of lidocaine to test to see if I get pain relief...hop of the table and home I would go feeling like a whole new person.   Nope that didn't happen...sure my back was numb in one area but then guess what...the pain was still there BELOW the injection area!!  I guess the only fortunate outcome is i know on test #2 he will need to go lower!!  I pray that lower is the answer.

By the end of the day I was so miserable.   So today its with a blah mood that i am trying to focus on the good...focus on the possibilities that lie ahead.   I know God is challenging me for a reason.  To make me stronger.

To make me more thankful for what I have.   

 I have 7 wonderful heads to hug each day.

I have 14 hands that I give a high five each day.

I have 3 little ones that still think I am pretty cool each day!

I have the great country outdoors that give me a beautiful view.

I have the air in my lungs and my heart that beats for me.

So I am going to shake this Eeyore mood of mine and 

get set straight, pain and all, and enjoy my day

with the things that matter most to me.

Best of all I get to stay home doing it!!

 

Reminds me of being a kid!

I had a moment today watching Grant that brought me back to being a 

kid too at one time.

There Grant sits on his knees bent over with his face into the grass

crying..crying cuz his Daddy had to go to a meeting.

Crying because he didn't get to go.

Crying because his dad just got home and already has to leave.

So daddy waves as is leaving and tells him he will be home soon.

But that just make Grant angrier and cry harder.

But within minutes of the truck being out of the driveway 

Grant gets up and walked over to the open area so he can

see his Daddy's truck drive away on the road...without him.

He just stood and watched...quiet by this time..but watching and

thinking and then eventually walking back to the house.

It was sad to watch and also reminded me of being a kid.

Every summer I used to go spend it at my Aunt and Uncles

house, Carol and Arlan's, in Lake City, MN.

I usually spent a week there.   Don't get me wrong...I loved

going there.  I looked forward to it because they were 

like 2nd parents to us.  They never had kids

of their own...so we were their own.

I counted the days til I got to go.

But....there was always that moment...that moment when you knew

Mom and Dad were gonna leave soon to head back home and 

leave you behind.  They had a brick lampost that stood towards

the end of their driveway yet still in the grass that I would always stand leaning

against and peeking around watching their big Chrysler drive away down the

road out of sight.  I cried...I always cried and usually I stood there

alone and briefly wishing I could go back home too because

I knew i would miss them.   After a bit...I too would then 

turn and walk to the house and know that even though

I was sad at that moment...my fun was just  beginning for

the week!!

I miss you Carol and Arlan!

I miss being a kid sometimes!

One pound at a time....

So it's Monday...that means...it is weigh in day!

I have not stepped on the scale since 1 week ago.

As I had put in a previous post I had gone back

to Park Rapids and had my lap band tightened a bit...

So in 2 weeks..I have lost  (drum roll....)  11 pounds!

I am pleased about that!!   It feels good to succeed.

I really have been sticking to my protein and only 1 cup of food per meal

Some days are tough...really tough to stay away from the junk.

But along with the other things I am working on...I am working on this too!!

 I keep on telling myself it didn't come back on quick...so don't take it off quick.

I am back to drinking water and crystal lite....but I sure miss my Diet Cokes 

and Mtn Dews.   

I find that I usually want to eat if I am stressed about something or sad..

It is a coping thing for me.

I know that for sure.   Because I want to beat myself up so many times

that I also can eat more so nobody can get at me too.

Isn't it funny how the thing we don't want the most...for me gaining weight and

being an overweight mommy....we end up being exactly that.

So walking, drinking water and counting protein are on my daily

to do list!!   Kaitlyn and Julia and I are gonna do a  5K in July and Kater is training for the 

half marathon...I would love to but I don't think i can get there by the end of July.  i am up to walking about 2 miles which I easily could do more but my back yells at 

me in the evenings if I do.   

But....11 pounds it is...just in case you were wondering!!  

Yippee!!!

and yes I am smiling!!

The best quote of the day ...

"Mom? "

What Grant...

"I love you"

Could that be any sweeter coming from a little 3 year old as he hugs your leg!

I am lucky to get to hear that everyday!

I love my Grant right back!