Stop and Listen

I have had many moments these last few days where I have made myself stop and just listen.  It is amazing what you hear.

The sounds of your kiddos sharing their love for one another.

These last few morning as I waken and try to get up and face the day I hear birds singing.  Ahhh....that means spring is COMING!!

I sooo need warm weather and this white stuff we are covered inW is gone.

It has been a long winter filled with dr visits and pain meds and trying to keep up with Holen life.  We tend to be  on the busy side most days.

This morning listening to Delaney softly breathe and watching her sleep so peacefully.

Hearing the small footsteps coming down the steps and head towards me to give me my morning leg hug....my Grant!

Listening to Marcus as he wakes up and the first thing he says is "I love you Mommy and you are the best Mommy in the world"  Words that warm my heart and mean so much coming from a 7 year old.

So many sounds that when we rush through a day ...we miss out on them.

Sometimes the sound is simply silence.

The sound of chairs being dragged across the floor tells me that yes someone is headed for cupboards out of their reach.

The sound of the kitchen clock ticking and realizing that time goes fast and making the effort to stop and enjoy the moments of our everyday life.

Thank you Lord for giving me those reminders each day that every moment is special and even the chaotic moments are treasured...but at times not wanted.

What sounds do you hear when you just stop and listen?

Please share with me today.

I love the love that actually doesn't make any noise...it is just there!!



Afraid

I am afraid.  I have to say it out loud.

Afraid of what is in my future.

It is no secret that I have been struggling for awhile now with

back pain, surgery, and then still some more pain which has lead me to

seek a second opinion with another diagnosis made.

I fear the pain everyday.  I fear what affect it will have on my life.

I have ALWAYS had such a passion for pregnancy, the miracle of birth and everything relating to caring for that mother and babe.

That dream has been perhaps over which I fear as well.

I lost my position at my work and now as I continue to recover and try to deal with the daily pain I am looking for possibly another path I may have to go.

I may not be able to physically do what I did before.  So I have ventured out on a path that is unknown and scary to me.  I applied for a new position that is more of a "desk job" you could say.  I am afraid!!  I tremble almost all day thinking of this!  I was called today for an interview and now all my insecurities

start YELLING in my head.  I try and block them out but they are too loud.

I am afraid I will look like I know nothing

I am afraid I will get the job and fail.

I am afraid that I won't get the job as well.

I feel tied up in fear and unable to breathe at times.

I just keep hanging onto to the blessing that everything does happen for a reason.  It is not in my control.

I just ask God to grant me some peace and courage to face this new path.

I love being at home and being away from home makes me afraid now since the surgery.  I always want to be home...safe from the world and if I stay inside my safe place I have a place to hide.  I know that is not a healthy way to be.

But for now that is what it is. 

Dear Lord...I am afraid!

Help me feel the peace and warmth that you give to me everyday.

Help me not be afraid of the outside world.

I ask that you also help those just like me. 

I am blessed...I know this for sure.

I just need to open my eyes and heart and turn down the loud thoughts in my head that make me afraid!!

Day by day....hour by hour...and sometimes minute by minute I will try and seek out what you have in store for me.