One of those moments....

Kaitlyn Janece Holen....selected for homecoming court for 9th grade.

How can this be?   My second daughter who I still remember her little toddler days and now look at her.   It was one of the moments that I realized that she is a young lady..a spirit that is growing and turning into one amazing person.

She makes me proud when she excels at her sports...she makes me smile when I watch her with her little brothers...she makes me at peace when I see her wonderful smile and most of all she brings me happiness when I watch her be her silly self and have fun with her sister Julia.

Kaitlyn is almost 15 years old...hard to grasp for me.   

Her daddy is proud of her and is having a hard time watching her grow up into this young lady.  

We are proud of her.   

Time alone

  I don't get much time alone....not that I even really want it but sometimes it is a treat to be able to think and absorb myself into the quiet house...listen to the wind chimes go...watch the flag blow gently in the wind.   Its just little things.
   I really want to stay at home even more.  I just can't quite put a plan into place that would allow me to do that.   I love these younger years of my children...the sports of my olders and when I am alone that is when I truly have time to sit in silence and comprehend how blessed I really am.
    Julia...my oldest...so mature yet giddy too and determined to succeed at whatever she does.
    Kaitlyn...my 14 year old.  Growing into a young lady before my eyes.  Used to be so quiet but, now has exploded into her own personality and turning into quite the athlete.
     James...my sensitive, big hearted, hard worker...who truly loves this large family.  My boy who comes to me for a daily hug or chat no matter what.
     Mathias...a busy boy, can be challanging at times but his love for farming is endless and his desire to be near his dad is obvious everyday.   He too likes his moms hugs,  tuck ins and silliness.
     Marcus is still supersweet who has the cutest sayings, expressions and a memory that is amazing!   He too loves to be near his dad all the time and FARM!!
     Grant...or G we call him.   A boy that hugs his moms leg everyday and has the bluest eyes ever.  I love his smile and his "yep" answer for everything.
      Then our Delaney who has changed the meaning and goal for our family!!   A girl that is bright eyed and loves to watch her siblings.   I hope she grows to love our large family too!!
       So it is in these quiet times I can look at each pieces of my heart and soul and know that there are many but each one adds a little something of its own to make our home a whole!

The Holen Gang and my niece Brooklyn holding Delaney!!

Miss Delaney is ONE!!!!!

September 22nd of 2009 was one day that I 

know something of the higher power was having a say in!!

Back in 2007 when I had Grant...I thought I would have

my tubes tied and 6 children is what we would be happily blessed with.

But with surgery schedule messes....no time available and along with 

my internal anxiety about everything being so "final"...something was trying to tell me to stop...think...and listen to what my instincts were telling me.

I was putting on my happy face to the nurses after Grant was born...and hours after..but inside I was a spinning mess because something was telling me NOT to make the decision to be "DONE".   Soooo  I called Doug because of course it was fair week and he was home by this time loading pigs and expressed my anxiety...all the bumps in the road...and he said "Do what you feel is right" and 

" I will be okay with whatever you decide."   AHHHHHH....can we say RELIEF with a capital R!!

I bailed...chickened out..whatever one wants to call it but I changed my mind and NO TUBAL FOR ME...that was a higher power whispering if not yelling at me to listen to them.  It wasn't over for me...

I dreamed many times that I was going to have a girl with dark hair...many dreams....many nites of taking care of babes in the nursery I would see in my mind what my daughter would look like...

and on 9-22-09....she arrived!!   SHE was a surprise...I thought it would be a HE....Right after she came out...with one loooong push...I looked down...saw the umbilical cord..and yep figured for a split second there...another boy...but then Dr. Norgard moved that cord...and my eyes saw that my GIRL had arrived!!   I fell back into the bed...hands over my face and cried the hardest tears I had shed in a very long long time....God had blessed us with another girl!!   She was beautiful...exactly how I had pictured her....dark hair and lots of it and the spitting image of her big sister Julia!!   I cried....Doug cried..he cut the cord..(wich he never had done before) and the whole room was whooping and hollering  "Its a girl"  and tears everywhere in the room.  Even Dr. Norgard got a bit choked up...What emotions and what a special presence that was in that room 206 at 2:36pm.....it was a strong presence that continued to make me and staff cry for over an hour!!   I loved that day...l loved that girl that Doug and I had created!!

Miss Delaney Ann Holen

So now a year has gone by...or flown by and she has brought soo much into our lives and a desire or yearning to find the true meaning of what life is...she has inspired me to grow into a better mom, wife, nurse, and just a better me.  I am thankful for her and the incredible gift she has given to me...I look at life with a bit different view...and many days this desire in me brings me to tears.   I cry with joy from her and what she has and is showing me!!

3 months old...of course..fingers in the mouth!

She has my eyes...Doug's face and her brothers long eye lashes...

Although soo  many happy days...I find a bit of sadness in me because this year has gone sooo fast.  I miss the little stage.  I miss the little one sleeping up on my shoulder.  But now...I love her babbling...her smiles...the way she twirls her hair when she nurses...and I love her!!!

My Delaney is one now...

Big Brother Marcus...talking to her and loving  her!

She is a blessing....a gift....a treasure...a girl that has opened my eyes to a new way of thinking...although I always had these feelings of "something more" in me...she has brought them out so I can grow.  Children are amazing. I would have 30 if I could....but I will be blessed with my 7!!

 

Piggy time is good times!

Marcus loves to be in charge of the pig gate..he does a very good job...any chore he can have he will take!!

Mr James looking sooo grown up ...how did this happen?

View from the barn up to our house....we love our simple wide open spaces!

This is Mr. Mathias having a lil chat with the piggies.  He loves them!

Marcus is school bound....

Mr Marcus....supersweet....Marcus Arlan

is officially now in preschool.

 We struggled...we contemplated...we worried..

but in the end we decided he is almost 5 and needs to spread his wings a bit

and get away some from the mom.

The mom was sad...unsure..but happy for him.

He didn't realize...coat first then backpack.

It was him that wasn't soo sure.  He was excited about a backpack of his own.

 He was excited about being at school with his siblings...but he in the next breath would be saying  "me not going to school,  me stay home by mom....Do you work today mom?"

(He is working on his speech with therapy...and also knows if I don't work there is a way he can stay home)  Gotta say he does have me figured out. 

Buy now after a few days of tears....he is happy he is going.. he does not like the bus.  I asked him why. and his response "it takes awhile"  and awhile it is...over an hour on the bus on the way home.  But he has his brothers to look over him and he is doing well.

He comes home and is soo proud.  

We love our supersweet and he just doesn't seem like he can be turning 5 soon.

I remember the day he arrived, wasn't that yesterday?

Taking that first walk into school.  Sun is shining..Marcus is beaming!