Farm life and its' lessons

Boy has it been a tough week on the farm.

Dealing with death is difficult..especially for the little ones that just quite can't understand

why things have to let life go.

We have had 2 calves die due to dehydration and illness and 2 kittens killed

by and unknown source.

Can I tell you that it was one of the most emotionally draining week I have had in quite some time.  The 2nd calf was Mathias'.   Him and I together were going to raise this calf.

A project to call our own.  We had named him Clyde.

We bottle fed him twice a day...walked him numerous time with the halter...scratched his neck...talked to him and simply showed our love.

Mathias was proud of his calf and the ease in which he could do his chores each day.

To tell him that Clyde was not strong enough and had died due to illness and heat...was the hardest thing and to see your child overcome with such sadness and grief that it consumed him to the point of almost a fetal position broke me ....it just tore me up.

But with hugs...talking...sharing stories...each day is getting a bit better.

But now there is that fear....fear of if it could happen again if we venture into another calf.

Fear and loss makes us call upon our faith.  Faith was my word I chose for 2011. 

It is truly been one I have had to focus on.

Faith will get us through...and faith will allow us to move on and pull ourselves up and take another step forward.  With my kids hand in mine...we will step forward.

This farm life is tough...happy...sad all mixed together.

It is teaching the kids lessons right along with Doug and I.

Life is a gift...given to us!  A reminder that this life we have should never be taken for granted.

I am still sad...but I have my FAITH!!

Grant.....

 It was 4 year ago today that Grant Micheal entered our lives!!  It was fair week....the busiest week of the year and he made his debut!!

Induced due to high amount of amniotic fluid...which I feel lucky he is fine because he had a triple nuchal chord around his neck...first one was so tight it had to be cut.  But he came out a crying and weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces!!  

He was another blonde and big blue eyes.

He has brought so much joy and smiles to our lives.   He loves to giggle....run...play tractors...and run and give you a daily hug softly around your leg.   He rarely causes trouble.

He loves his brothers and his baby sister. He is our only blonde.

He is my 4th son and 6th born.

Life is better with him in it.

We love him and hope that his birthday is special to him as much as he is special to us!!

Happy Birthday G!!   We love you so!

Together....

Family....it is what is all about!!

Fatigue....

This little lady doesn't stop moving very often....

but when she does....it means she is 

really tired.

Must have been a busy day for her.

Do you ever wonder....

what a moment means to someone so little? Such a small glimpse of time caught, yet to him it may be such a big memory!

Because to catch such a moment in this little man...where there is no talking...makes me wonder just what has him quiet. What is going through this little mans mind...I can only imagine big things!

Mathias is the winner!

Mathias and his big catch of the day!!

Cuz when you are gonna catch the big one of the day...ya gotta be prepared!

Melting....

How can I just not melt at that smile?

I do have a wonderful Grant!!

My Grant and his baby blues...and the strong, calm hands of his 
brother...James!

Summertime.....

Grant....splishin' and a splashin'...and a smilin'!

Marcus....muddin it!!

Loving the water....but keeping an eye on the shore.

The boys having fun with the Huemann boys!

But the girls....they be soakin' up the rays!!

Thankful Tuesday!!

The little boys and their love for their daddy!

My supersweet and his calmness....

James and his desire to be daring!!

Mathias and his constant interest in new things...or bettering his skills on the old things!!

And it finally came to a head....

It wasn't a nice day here at the Holen house.

It was one of those days you knew it was brewing just waiting to come to a boil...

I despise conflict...always have.   I am the peace maker...always have done that as well.

So when kids start fighting and backtalking....then the not so go with the flow mom is not so nice.

I have always been okay with an occasional xbox time through out the years...

but these games now are addictive, make sibling fight, change the demeanor that they typically have...and my sons are prime examples.

So after multiple warning shots for a timeout from the xbox....things elevated.  Boys simply defied me, yelled at me, and even through things at me.

So...the xbox is now packed up and officially no longer a part of the Holen house.

I tried to stay calm as the loudness got louder of an angry 12 year old...but he finally got the smarts to take a walk and cool down.

A long private discussion took place when the Dad came home.  And for the first time in a long time we had an enjoyable evening.

Mathias has started medicated for his behavioral issues ...which is a whole other subject. I feel guilty as a mom for letting it go on as long as it did...he can't help it and there is help out there.  We are in week 2 of therapy and he is a different boy.   

This summer has had some lessons to be learned.   After hearing a close uncle has cancer it makes one look at life differently.  We hope that our messages sink into our kids so they get the point that all the material things in the world won't make you happy....it is what is inside and family that counts!!

i hope our explosive days are gone.  The pleaser in me soo wanted to give in to his whining and yellling...but i didn't.

Perhaps I am stronger than I think I am!!

~~~~Grace~~~~

I want you to face the mountain

so that you can see,

when the mountain is out of the way

all there is left is Me.

Only I can move the mountain,

only I can push it away,

only I can conquer the problems

that you face today.

Your only job is to believe, to listen to My voice,

and when you hear what I command,

obedience is your choice.

But I will not make it too difficult for the victory

is already Mine,

and I will fill you with My Spirit and through 

you My grace will shine.

Not when you are perfect,

like you think you need to be,

but when your heart is willing to become more

and more like Me.

~~~unknown~~~