I am...I think...I know...

 Taken from Melissa's  post...I just love these so I couldn't resist!!

I am:  a mom, a wife, a daughter, and a Labor and Delivery RN.
I think:  that the little moments in life need to be noticed!! 

I know:  that I am a good person all the way to my inner-most self!

I want:  my family to be happy...all the time! 

I have:  insecurities that cause me to doubt myself on a daily basis.

I dislike:  my weight and the fact that I just can't let it go.
I miss:  my brother Mark and my Aunt Carol...never has a void ever been so obvious in my life! 

I fear:  that I will lose someone that is close to me. 

I feel:  strongly about being a nice to one another ALL the time!! 

I hear:  the sounds of little Delaney feet walking across the kitchen floor!

I smell:  the inside of Carol's house ...cedar! 

I search: to find inner peace with who I am and not what I think I should be. 

I wonder:  what my children will remember the most about me when I have passed on.

I regret:  all the time and energy I have spent worrying about tomorrow instead of being present today.

I love:  the miracle of birth!

I care: about everything....all the time! 

I am always:  trying to find a way to save a dime and be at home more.
I worry:  way too  much about things I can not change.

I remember:  when I was a child myself.

I have:  dreams too!

I dance:  in front of my children in the kitchen  and laugh and their expressions. 

I sing: very bad...I can not keep a tune!

I don’t always: get things right...but boy do I try! 

I argue: with my inner thoughts!

I write:  very little. 
I lose: my patience at times way too quickly.
I wish: that time could slow down a bit because I need to enjoy this time of my life more!
I listen: to lots of words all day long come from my little ones and big ones mouths!!  
I don't understand: why people can't see that having a large family IS a choice we made and we       ARE happy about it and wouldn't change a thing!
I can usually be found: at home with the little ones. 
I am scared: that I am not doing the best parenting job I can!
I need: to remember that I don't have to do it all and allow things to slide!
I forget: to pay bills on time sometimes...hey...its not like I don't have other things to do.
I am happy:   when I am at home...all day with nowhere to go and just being a mom and a wife!

What does it mean...??????????

We moved here in 2000 and it was right about then that I started noticing the numbers 111 or 1111 always appearing in my day to day life.

The most common one is catching the clock just by chance at 1:11 or 11:11.  It can happen to me 3 times in a day.   All by chance or is there a message in this?

So for almost 11 years now...in some way or another these numbers appear in my day.

Some examples:   clearing and IV pump with exactly 1111 infused that shift.

My paycheck exactly 1111

Happening to look at a mile marker while traveling and its 11 or 111.

Reading a book recently and it telling me that catching the clock at 111 or 1111 can be reminding me to pray for each of my children then.

Reviewing patients history and having a due date of 1/11

Walking down a hallway in a hotel and by chance looking at a room number of 111.

There are many more...too many to count .

I don't know what its trying to tell me but it is something,

I truly believe that.  I even googled it and it seems to happen to others too.

I found it has a "guardian angel" connection to it.  

Today is Veterans day...remembering all those guardians that fought for us!!  

So next year there will be lots of 1's in the year 2011...what does it have in store for me?  

I don't know now but I am open to the answer and to receive it.

Enjoy your 11/11 today!!  

How it used to be....

James R. Hauge

     This is my dad.   He is battling cancer.   He is doing great. 

This is a recent picture of when 

we first got the puppies.   It is from him that I got my love for dogs and training them.  This picture is the best.   It just looks natural to see his strong hands on the chest of a lab pup.  It's all about the moments....the peaceful moments...the memories we have had. 

Are you awake?

You know I am crazy when......

Julia loving on Griffin

 

 

The boys and the dad getting to meet the puppies

 

 

Mr. Grant thinking this Mr. Griffin is pretty cool!

Mathias loving this pup...

Mathias and his big smile....sooo happy!

Bringing home 2...yes 2 puppies at one time may make me appear

crazy to some...but to me and my kids...it is the best thing ever!!

They are the best thing for us..and they are the easiest puppies I

have ever had!!   

**just in case you wanted to know**

Speechless...

So I check my e-mail to day and there is one that once I read it I was at a loss for words.

My oldest girls play volleyball...live volleyball and lately sleep volleyball!

They are doing well and now are onto play on Thursday in Minnewaska.

This Holen mom rarely gets to go to see them play because guess where she is..

yep...you guessed it...at home with the little ones.  

They understand but I know they like it when I am there.  They don't ask anymore if I am coming because they know the answer.   That saddens me.

But...usually the Dad gets there.  Its teamwork but we try and be there for them.

Kaitlyn who is in 9th grade and playing varsity and Julia plays too at times when her position 

is needed.  It goes without saying how proud I am to watch the two of them play

TOGETHER and at the SAME TIME!!

LOVE IT!!   LOVE IT!!

So this week Doug is gone in California  (wah..wah...I wish I could have gone)

and I am on my own.  But what caught me off guard today was the generousity and

the amazing gift that two people could offer me.

My co-worker, friend , neighbor...and her lovely daughter offered to come over

and watch my children so that I could go.

What a blessing....it left me speechless to know that she/they were thinking of me

and knew I would not be able to go...well I could but I would spend

more time taking care of my little ones in the bleachers..that I could 

not enjoy watching my bigger ones on the court.

So initally I was right away going to respond with a thanks, but thats okay.

But then I re-thought it and realized that they would not have taken the time to offer if they 

did not want to do it.  So even though it is hard for me to accept

help,  I am going to this time!

Thank you Kristie and Grace...you are a blessing in our lives!!

Thanks for "getting" what it means to be me!

Daddy and Delaney....

Daddy loves his Delaney...look at the smiles...the love that explodes from this picture.  I am thankful for them.  It warms my heart more than words can say when I see them together.   It reminds me of the many years ago when Julia and Kaitlyn were little...there is something special about a Dad and his daughters.

I don't want this stage to ever be over.  I Love little ones in my house..they are work...but I love that they love me, their siblings, and the simplicity of just being at home.   No wants except to be talked to, loved, and just to be near...near mom...near dad!  

We need to slow down...absorb what matters most...each other and the smiles that we see in the miracles we have created.

How does something like two smiles warm the core of ones' soul?

Priceless....

It will be fine.....

It will be fine when I....

• learn to breathe
• realize and truly grasp the concept that a higher power has a plan for me
• turn my anxiety into productivity
• stop worrying
• start living each day with grace
• letting go of things I can not control
• love myself as much as I do others
• turn my focus on the big picture
• accept that I am not perfect but it is okay

• I also learn that I can not do all of this overnite!

I have a big "to do " list but I know in my heart things always work out..and although I may have stressful days...I do view them as learning moments.  I am a work in progress.  I love my family, my dreams, and my home!  I just get overwhelmed many times with the little things and its by learning to cope with those that I know will make me love my life even more!!