Peek into my world....

Once in awhile....

In a house full of many....once in a great while...all is still and only the mom is stirring and she has it all to herself.  The stillness and the deafening silence yet when she stops and really listens that is when she realizes there is no silence.

She hears the distant sound of a calf calling for her mommy...
She hears the faint sound of birds having a morning chat....
She hears the rooster waiting in the barn..ever so patiently...to be let out for the beautiful day it will be.

She hears the sound of air filling her lungs up each second or two and has the moment to thank the Lord for that air she breathes.
She can feel the relaxation in every muscle as she closes her eyes and thanks God for what has been given to her.

Once in awhile the mom gets some time just to reflect...look around her house..and remember what happened yesterday...a year ago or just a few seconds ago.  This small time in her life can mean so very much because it makes her realize that all her day in and day out hard work...giving of herself...and moments of chaos..and also moments of priceless conversations...is all WORTH it!! 

Because once in awhile the mom is blessed with this quiet and stillness to boost her morale and help her see that she has been given many gifts and know how much she loves her life that she has.

Wordless Wednesday!

Blessed....

Blessed with 4 boys...and 3 girls...(although little Miss Delaney is not in this picture)

They are silly....serious...dimples..laughter...wrestling...and chaos all wrapped up with love...memories and big dreams!!  

They are loved and keep us on our toes everyday!!

Speechless...

This little girl of mine....makes me speechless!!

Swinging...

 I just love my Delaney Ann!!  

I say that a lot...what mom doesn't

She brings me to a moment to stop and realize what is important in life!!

It is the moments of lifting her up onto the tire swing....the moments where she says push me "high".

And I do....and watch the wind blow through her hair...

no fear because mom is near...

and then the swing slows down....and I wait for the slightly saddened face to appear...

like this one here...

because she is waiting for me to push her "high" again!

So I do....and take in the breeze ...the country air..and the happy smiles

that my Delaney gives me!!

Doug always tells me when I am having a down moment...just stop and look at her and how can

you not come right back to the blessed place you are supposed to be in!!

I LOVE that this little girl that is soon to be 3...has brought soo much to my life!

Tire swing....freedom....moments of no worries and just loving the life that I have!!

Reminds me of my childhood of being free and swinging as high as I could and singing "Jesus Loves Me"...I was just about this age.  I loved it and I know that Miss Delaney is loving it too.   Because at the end of the day I hope I have given her as much love as she gives me!!

Another moment of Perfect Timing!!

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-This version is credited to Mother Teresa

I think I needed to read this today.  What powerful words that I have read over and over today.   I just am amazed at how God is speaking to me just when I need to hear him.  I am holding onto faith...faith in good things to come...faith in continued support from my spouse...and most importantly faith that God will continue to help me grow into that strong...assertive...gentle soul that I know I truly am!!

Wordless Wednesday

Farm moments

So blessed...enough said!!

Perfect timing!!

So I truly believe that God first sends us a little hint ....then a whisper...then shouts out when he wants us to pay attention to something.   Well...I have had some emotions and deep thinking going on for a few days now and yesterday my devotion that I read related to being able to speak your true feelings with honestly and heartfelt healing...vs...not saying your feelings and remaining silent and becoming bitter and the issues that come with that...all because you say you are "fine" when you truly have some hurt feelings to share.

I love when things like that happen to me.  It just is a huge reminder that God is there to help me through the days that I need that guidance to do right and also to show me that there is a higher power that looks over me.

What a nice feeling that is...knowing someone greater than we can even imagine is looking out for us.  Because believe me there are doubts sometimes that people in my life don't really have my best interests at heart.  What amazes me is their portrayal of being so thoughtful...giving....prayful...is all a charade.   Hmm...I wonder if this person even knows that I have he/she all figured out?   Time will tell....and the whispers from God will help me grow...become stronger ...and know that my feeling do matter and I guess to be blunt....they might want to watch what line they cross with me. 

So thank you to God for giving me the devotion that has helped me immensely!!  I know your timing is always perfect!!  My intentions are good...so my outcomes will be good as well!

Being Thankful!

I have been working really hard lately to start each day by thinking of all the things that I am thankful for vs. letting my anxiety take me to places that fill my heart and head with worries...fears...racing thoughts...and simply off balance.

So each morning I grab my Sweet Miss Delaney while the boys tend to sleep in..(I know...bad habit)  ..and we head outside right away.  No stopping to clean up something that didn't get tended to the night before...just straight out the door in our jammies and all.  (one of the many perks of country life.)  The fresh air that fills our lungs...the joy of watching Delaney skip through the dew covered grass...the sound of the morning doves...all of this helps me realize how blessed we really are.  The bills...the emotional issues that fill my head and my large "to do list" seem to disappear from my mind.  The warmth of the sun on my face and arms is relaxing and Delaney and I doing our morning chores with the dogs and kitties are special.  We chat and I watch her and am amazed and the little young lady that she is becoming. 

Staying on track is a challenge some days but I am working hard at it.  If I can re-train my mind and body to start each day with a thankful heart vs a worried heart...I know things will just fall into place.

I love my wide open spaces...the sounds of country life...it is my safety zone.  One zone that I know I can be me...enjoy being me and most of enjoy my family!!  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Progress is good.  I thank God daily for the things he has given me.  I know that his power is greater than I can ever imagine.

Focus..

If I focus on the good things that I have around me, maybe this intense feeling of anxiety will pass.  Maybe if I focus on the blessings of 7 healthy children that I have...I can let go of the weight on my shoulders.
Tough things to tackle.  Just taking it day by day...Focusing on the positive is not always easy to do.

I am blessed to be living in the country...have peace in our home...have family that cares about each other...but to stay focused on just that lately is taking a lot of energy from me. 

two of my greatest blessings who love me for who I am!!

I wonder if anyone else struggles with staying focused?   I am trying to turn this over to God.  God knows me...knows what I need in life...knows that I am a good person...God will provide me with the peace and guidance that I need.  I truly believe that.  I just have to keep focusing on that!!  Focus....my theme for the day!! 

Expectations

I guess you could say I tend to "expect" things from people...usually things that those people could NEVER provide me...yet I always hope they will change...or treat me the way that I would treat them.  But what tends to happen...I don't get it...and I end up hurt, angry, frustrated...and just simply sad.


I don't know why I am wired this way.  I continually ask that to myself and to God.  I wonder why I have to allow people to make me feel hurt.  I care so much about other people and have always had the "disease to please" but I think I am finally at the age of 42 realizing that  these expectations that I have are not healthy and only damage my self esteem.  I catch myself of course first shedding tears...then it turns to anger...and stress and then simply disappointment.  It is exhausting and has robbed me of too much time.  Time that I can't get back.


I have always been this way.  I was bullied as a child...learned quickly that if I do what people want ...then they may be nice to me...for awhile anyways.   But I have gotten stronger through out the years and my shell has hardened a bit.  But just when I think I am good....another lesson learned..the hard way.


I don't want a pity party for me...just need to put some of my feelings on here...helps me sort through them all and also makes me sit and look at the real blessings in my life and the people that do really care about me.  After all isn't that we all want and need?   Just someone to care about us and to respect our boundaries.  I guess I just have to learn to define mine more clearly to those that tend to cross them.  I will have to put that on my list of things to do!!  


Thanks for listening....

Catch up time!

Well...it has been a long time since I posted anything.   Sometimes I just don't feel like I have too much of interest to anyone to say...but  I have meant to start up again.  This is usually my afternoon quiet time or nap time but my spouse is snoring so loud in the chair across the room...it is far from quiet.  :)

The Holen house is still running along fairly smoothly.  Spring sports keep the older ones busy while the green grass and animals tend to entertain the younger ones.  I enjoy my time at home..but enjoy my work still too.

I have been struggling with more back pain issues again and had my 2nd denervation done mid-April and was doing great...pain free for about 10 days...but then things changed again.  Pain came back with a loud roar..and now am on a high steroid dose for 6 days and another MRI this evening to try and figure out what has changed.  Pain meds are a must for me to function.  I am sooo tired of talking about...feeling this pain..that it is nauseating!!  I am sure my family is just as sick of it.   My life seems to revolve around my "back status" each day.  I know I could have it way worse and am thankful for all the good things in my life and fully realize that not everyone else is as fortunate as me.   With that said though...I just really want to be done with this large obstacle in my life.  I pray....a lot!!

The kiddos are all happy...most of the time...healthy and growing!!  So far the Holen farm has 8 pigs...2 are show pigs....15 runner Ducks...80 new baby chicks that aren't so baby anymore and 5 peacocks.   We are awaiting the arrival of the cattle to complete the farm.  I love having them here but honestly hate the danger of that electric fence.  It has been nice not to worry about that so far this spring.

Until the next update....I enjoy keeping up on others' blogs.   Inspiring they are to say the least!!

Rembering my dad....

I think about him all the time....there is this void that just seems to linger around me all the time....I wonder what heaven is like all the time .

I went over to my parents' place last weekend and mom wanted to give some of dad's things to us if we had a need.   I had mixed feelings about it.   For one I was thankful for the things and on the other hand I didn't want to take them because it made me really feel his presence, which is  a good thing, but also that he really is gone.

It IS a weird feeling to know one of your parents' is not here anymore.

I took 3 of his coats....some for me and some for Doug.

I pulled out a few pieces of paper the other day from one of the pockets....gas coupons!  It made me chuckle...he was always trying to save something somewhere if he could and it was easy to do.  The other thing was one of those little pieces of paper you pull off when you are waiting in line....he was I39.    I held it in my hand....read the number over and over....felt the paper   between my fingers many times and wondered where he was when he was in line and got this number...how long did he have to wait....and why did he save it?

Little thoughts but weigh heavy on me daily.

I miss you Dad....you were such a solid and reassuring man to go to if I needed to talk...so now I talk to you in my head and wait for signs you are answering.

Another reminder everyday to love those you have because you never know how long you will have them!!

Thankful Tuesday

My sister n law....Pam!!

Repeat....and repeat...and repeat!

So about a year ago I decided I would choose one word that I would focus on to be my word for the year.  That word was FAITH!   I worked at it,  thought about it, and believed in it so many times during the year that I can't even count.   It was always on my mind.

So this year......I chose it again because I truly feel that 2011 was a rough year and felt that my one word of  FAITH...deserved a repeat for this year!

I need to have faith...faith that this year of 2012 is gonna be better....wiser...easier...and a path much more wider to take.  

So since the year is early in its' days....I am going to focus on FAITH   again!

I think it deserves a repeat and actually defines itself in the fact that I am giving it another go around...because having faith takes time and belief beyond our control!

I pray each day for my faith to carry me a little higher....a little stronger...and then perhaps at the end of each day...a bit more patient and wise and loving.

First varsity match!!

James has been waiting and waiting to finally get a spot on varsity...here he goes....

Whatcha thinkin' about?

James.....after he lost his match...wonder what he is thinking about....

Thankful Tuesday