A Mom and her oldest son! 💙

Wordless Wednesday !

Life!

It has been a very long time since I posted anything.  I am still alive...taking it day by day...but I am here.  Life has been challenging at times with my back, lovely flu season, and just daily to do's!

I have been trying to focus on being more grateful vs dwelling on the what ifs and the chronic pain.

Gratitude I know I have in my heart and think of it a lot but I need to stop..take a few minutes..journal 3 things each day that I am grateful for.  Believe me there are many more than three so I should have many days of easily finding three.

1.   My family

 This little now 5 year old is what keeps me moving forward many days. Oh how she has completed our family!   Smart, bright, and way too funny!  Brings soo much laughter to us all!💙

 We had a chicken in our house this fall!  Love!💗

  An old picture but James and Mathias just being themselves!   I love that!  Friendship not just siblings!

And what would our life be without mr. grant!  Love those baby blues'

 My all grown up Julia!

 

My all grown up gifted Kaitlyn!  She is soo greatly missed by all her siblings because she participates so much in each one of their lives!  Amazes me..really does! ☀️

2.   My mom....I can't even put into words how much she has helped me through these long painful 3 years!

I am only about 2 weeks post op here.  But she watched over me as I physically and mentally healed!

3.  The Lord!

Faith...believing, and hope is what I ask of him every single day.  I know he has a plan for me.  I just have to wait for it to be visible.  All I can do is trust him!

Well that was a whole lot of gratitude for today!  

Please SHARE WITH ME. What you are grateful for! ☀️🌹❤️🎈😍

Cousins!!!

Sure do miss this girly!!  Brooklyn Marie is a blessing to our kiddos!!

Family is everything.  No other word describes it but everything.

Can't wait til Fair 2014!!

Need a hug?

Do you ever just need a hug to be told that everything will be okay? 

Do you ever wish that you had a pink care bear to listen to you talk about your fears and your many issues one carries around?

I love this look in Delaney's eyes...its like her saying ahhh....I can just squeeze and love.  (she doesn't have issues like us grown ups do).  She lives in the moment and is happy in each one.

Maybe I might just borrow this care bear someday?  Wouldn't that be a fun day?  Peace!  I am blessed beyond words.

Just ask yourself who is your care bear going to be today or a day you need one?  Because some days I question if those "care bears" that are out there in my life really care!

But seeing the joy and love in Delaney...I know that I have her!  Such a grateful day!

Thank you Delaney and the rest of my gang for caring.

 

A breath of fresh air....

Can I please have this day back?

She is so much joy!

Grateful

Thankful for this girl.  Helps me keep a positive outlook!

Privacy? ?

Do you ever feel like ya can't even sneak to the bathroom?

Love

Wordless Wednesday

Unconditional love

All you need to do is look in Gracie's eyes..and you feel loved.  We all need a little bit of it each day.

Oh how I love this girl.

Smiles are free!

 

 

 

Smiles!!

Letting go

 

It is a bittersweet goodbye.

On one hand I am happy for Julia to be off to college...

but then I wonder where the years went and if I was a good mom to her.

Doubts fill my mind.

She was sooo excited to leave...I think almost GLAD she was getting to go.

A large family is hectic and loud at times and that is something she is not fond of.  I hope she is happy and enjoying these fun college days.

I miss her presence in the house.

 

Before I knew it I had blinked and she was grown up and her car was packed full and she left the driveway with no pauses and headed to her new chapter in life.  It is just simply hard to let go.

 



I want summer again!

Delaney

New Beginnings!

I am afraid, I get anxious, I am okay with it then in the next moment...it starts all over.

Thoughts ruminating through my noggin that lately is just simply fuzzy all the time.

I sit here with Bubble Guppies playing on the tv and no one is around me.  The little ones stick pretty close together in the mornings and they are downstairs laughing.

Laughter helps keep me grounded.

I am blessed with that at times.

The older kids....not so much laughter lately.

I lost my job which is no secret to anyone.  12 years of nursing...4 years med/surg and 8 years labor and delivery.  My dream.  It seems to have been pulled right from under my feet.  I wonder what would have happened if on August 29th of 2012 I would have decided to NOT take a leave to focus on getting to the bottom of my back pain that was consuming me daily.  I wonder if I would still be there or would the pain eventually caused me to stop.  I don't know the answer but I do know that I have come across answers and 2 back surgeries later..I sit here jobless, still in daily pain, and a sense of fear as to where I am going to end up.

I try believing it will all work out...will it?

Will I have my pep in my step again?

Will I enjoy each day like I used to?

 

What I do know is that although the days are tough...I am at home with my 7 children and that is a blessing.  They are my everything even on the days I am short tempered, tired, depressed and feeling helpless from the pain.  But they forgive me and we start over many times during the day and that is okay because we all need start over's!!! 

So I guess that is what I am doing...starting over with a new view on life and what is important.  Losing friends...or should I say people I thought were my friends....medical bills that pile up..but I still have my family and the fresh air in my lungs and the wide open spaces I call home!  Staying focused on the positive is hard to do but it is a start over right?

 

 

A new day.....a new outlook...and many start overs during the day!

Thank you Lord for giving me those start overs and please fill my world around me, my children with smiles, gratefulness, and laughter that they so deserve!

 



Gotta love this pig!

This is Julia's first offspring to her breeding gilt!!  She is a dolly of a pig if ya can imagine that!!  I love her!! 
We chat a bit everyday.
Does that seem weird that I chat with a pig?  I think it may be normal on a farm, right?

Emotional!

She grew up way too fast.  Our oldest daughter Julia has now graduated and as I write this is down at Iowa State in Ames with her dad to register and orientate for Fall classes.  How can this be?

We just finished up her party on Saturday after LONG preperations and planning.

It went well thank goodness for all the help from family since I am pretty much useless for anything physical or any long amount of time.

I was doing well up until the party and then as people and family left one by one the next morning the tears came and have continued so off and on since then.

Why do I get soo emotional?

I am happy for her successes, her goals, and her drive that she has within but that still isn't helping me.

She is closer with her Dad which is just the way it is...but I will miss her.

 



She has been such a huge part of this farm and also a leader for the lil ones that follow her.  It just won't be the same.

Her love of 4-H I hope has been instilled enough in the younger ones that I hope it continues on for us all!!

 

I have watched this lil girl walk up this driveway everyday to catch the bus and then in a blink of an eye it went to driving up it to head to school each day.

I am proud of her and I am happy for her happiness and adventures that are yet to come but these tears of the mom just have to flow.  I think it is just the process of letting your child go and hope that you have taught her well and to make good choices.  But for now I am going to let my tears come when they need to because it is my way of letting go just a lil bit for her to make her first step into her new life.

New life on the Farm!

Three little kittens made their debut this last week.  I love the miracle of birth and the act of mothering that just comes natural to animals.  It shouldn't be any surprise that a Labor and Delivery Nurse can love all types of birth!!  Life continues on....sigh....love does too!