New Beginnings!

I am afraid, I get anxious, I am okay with it then in the next moment...it starts all over.

Thoughts ruminating through my noggin that lately is just simply fuzzy all the time.

I sit here with Bubble Guppies playing on the tv and no one is around me.  The little ones stick pretty close together in the mornings and they are downstairs laughing.

Laughter helps keep me grounded.

I am blessed with that at times.

The older kids....not so much laughter lately.

I lost my job which is no secret to anyone.  12 years of nursing...4 years med/surg and 8 years labor and delivery.  My dream.  It seems to have been pulled right from under my feet.  I wonder what would have happened if on August 29th of 2012 I would have decided to NOT take a leave to focus on getting to the bottom of my back pain that was consuming me daily.  I wonder if I would still be there or would the pain eventually caused me to stop.  I don't know the answer but I do know that I have come across answers and 2 back surgeries later..I sit here jobless, still in daily pain, and a sense of fear as to where I am going to end up.

I try believing it will all work out...will it?

Will I have my pep in my step again?

Will I enjoy each day like I used to?

 

What I do know is that although the days are tough...I am at home with my 7 children and that is a blessing.  They are my everything even on the days I am short tempered, tired, depressed and feeling helpless from the pain.  But they forgive me and we start over many times during the day and that is okay because we all need start over's!!! 

So I guess that is what I am doing...starting over with a new view on life and what is important.  Losing friends...or should I say people I thought were my friends....medical bills that pile up..but I still have my family and the fresh air in my lungs and the wide open spaces I call home!  Staying focused on the positive is hard to do but it is a start over right?

 

 

A new day.....a new outlook...and many start overs during the day!

Thank you Lord for giving me those start overs and please fill my world around me, my children with smiles, gratefulness, and laughter that they so deserve!