It was 13 years ago...but feels like yesterday. I remember the feeling, the time of year, the excitement but then the fear and sadness that followed. It was today in 1997 that Kelsey Marie Hauge entered the world. My brother and his wifes first daughter together. Pregnancy went well and Pam went into labor early..about 3 weeks early..but that was okay. Kelsey was born in Austin MN and was a big girl...almost 9 pounds and beautiful....oh sooo beautiful. Tons of dark hair and perfect on the outside. It was on the inside that we would soon find out was not perfect. She struggled right away with breathing...but hey that can happen...but it got worse.
We were living in Montana at the time...21 hours away. I remember being on the phone off and on all day...keeping up with the updates. Sometimes looked good...and hopes would get raised and then bad news would come. She had a cleft palate...but that too could be fixed but it is the rest that couldn't. She was found to have a heart murmer and continued to struggle resp .wise so was tranferred to Rochester NICU. I still thought ...its okay she will be fine. She's a bit early...it will just take time.
Then the call came...it was about 4pm the next day...Kelsey was gravely ill. She had a heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Ventricle and it did not look good. My brother, who is very stoic, and doesn't share a lot....but is a big softie underneath it all, he called me and said or I should say sobbed to me.."please come Kim...please come. I want you here...I want you to meet her and get to know her" I cried...I cried soo hard and ran to get Doug at work and said we have got to go. We have got to go now...we packed up sooo fast...bathed the girls who were 3 and 1 1/2 then...and packed the van and took off at 8pm for Minnesota. We had over 21 hours to drive...drove all nite...cried and thought the whole way. I still remember hearing the song by Martine McBride "My valentine"...oh soo sad. We made it home though...exhuasted and worried and dropped the girls off and Doug's parents and off to Rochester we went. So scary but ready to meet this special girl.
Pam was in denial...distant but appeared to be doing okay for what was happening to their girl. My brother was on the internet constantly trying to gain info on her diagnosis and prognosis. It was not good.
We met her...how could God create such a beautiful , chubby girl that looked perfect on the outside but oh soo sick and fighting for her life. She also was diagnosed with a syndrome called Rubenstine Taybi...she would be mentally handicapped and her quality of life would be challanging. She would need 3 open heart surgeries by the age of 2 and each one carried a 50/50 chance of survivial. Her chest would have to remain open for a bit after each surgery...she also had a small kidney with some issues but I don't remember all of that. It was bad...soooo the decision to pursue surgery and put this doll through this was heartwrenching. They were keeping her heart valves open with a hormone but once they would take that off her heart valves would close up and she would pass eventually. My brother and Pam made the most difficult decision any parent could make...they chose to let her go. They prayed...loooked at what she would face in her life and decided to let God have her. She was in ICU for almost 2 weeks. We stayed as long as we could with her. Holding her...watching her each day have less and less tube attatched to her...watching Pam enjoy the mom things that she could...baths, feeddings with the feeding tube.. holding her and rocking her . We cried a lot...hugged a lot and wondered why...what is the reason for God giving us this young lady but having a plan to take her back sooo soon.
Easter was approaching that Sunday. We had to leave...it was Friday. We had to get back to Montana. Doug and I held her and loved her one last time. She slept. She was tired a lot at the end. She was dusky but still soo perfect. We said our goodbyes and left Rochester knowing that the next few days would be hard...for Pam and Steve and my parents and everyone that loved her. Her color changed on sunday..she needed some Morphine to help her relax. Nurses said it was probably like having chest pain for her as those valves shut. She took her last breath on Easter Sunday in the afternoon surrounded by her family that loved her and oh didn't want to see her go.
So...I cry some tears today because it is with such a heavy heart...that I talk about her. We didn't get to be near her long but in those short 2 weeks she gave us soo much. She reminded us of the meaning of life, family, and what truly matters. Children are a blessing and it is life and the people around us that truly matter...what truly should make us want to be better people and focus on the true meaning of life. Nothing can be taken for granted. God had a plan....he wanted Kelsey for him and we had to and have to believe and trust that there is a reason for that.
A hug to you, Steven and Pam today....you are strong people and the memory of Kelsey Marie Hauge will always be in our hearts. She is our angel...little angel with soo large in our hearts!!
We were living in Montana at the time...21 hours away. I remember being on the phone off and on all day...keeping up with the updates. Sometimes looked good...and hopes would get raised and then bad news would come. She had a cleft palate...but that too could be fixed but it is the rest that couldn't. She was found to have a heart murmer and continued to struggle resp .wise so was tranferred to Rochester NICU. I still thought ...its okay she will be fine. She's a bit early...it will just take time.
Then the call came...it was about 4pm the next day...Kelsey was gravely ill. She had a heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Ventricle and it did not look good. My brother, who is very stoic, and doesn't share a lot....but is a big softie underneath it all, he called me and said or I should say sobbed to me.."please come Kim...please come. I want you here...I want you to meet her and get to know her" I cried...I cried soo hard and ran to get Doug at work and said we have got to go. We have got to go now...we packed up sooo fast...bathed the girls who were 3 and 1 1/2 then...and packed the van and took off at 8pm for Minnesota. We had over 21 hours to drive...drove all nite...cried and thought the whole way. I still remember hearing the song by Martine McBride "My valentine"...oh soo sad. We made it home though...exhuasted and worried and dropped the girls off and Doug's parents and off to Rochester we went. So scary but ready to meet this special girl.
Pam was in denial...distant but appeared to be doing okay for what was happening to their girl. My brother was on the internet constantly trying to gain info on her diagnosis and prognosis. It was not good.
We met her...how could God create such a beautiful , chubby girl that looked perfect on the outside but oh soo sick and fighting for her life. She also was diagnosed with a syndrome called Rubenstine Taybi...she would be mentally handicapped and her quality of life would be challanging. She would need 3 open heart surgeries by the age of 2 and each one carried a 50/50 chance of survivial. Her chest would have to remain open for a bit after each surgery...she also had a small kidney with some issues but I don't remember all of that. It was bad...soooo the decision to pursue surgery and put this doll through this was heartwrenching. They were keeping her heart valves open with a hormone but once they would take that off her heart valves would close up and she would pass eventually. My brother and Pam made the most difficult decision any parent could make...they chose to let her go. They prayed...loooked at what she would face in her life and decided to let God have her. She was in ICU for almost 2 weeks. We stayed as long as we could with her. Holding her...watching her each day have less and less tube attatched to her...watching Pam enjoy the mom things that she could...baths, feeddings with the feeding tube.. holding her and rocking her . We cried a lot...hugged a lot and wondered why...what is the reason for God giving us this young lady but having a plan to take her back sooo soon.
Easter was approaching that Sunday. We had to leave...it was Friday. We had to get back to Montana. Doug and I held her and loved her one last time. She slept. She was tired a lot at the end. She was dusky but still soo perfect. We said our goodbyes and left Rochester knowing that the next few days would be hard...for Pam and Steve and my parents and everyone that loved her. Her color changed on sunday..she needed some Morphine to help her relax. Nurses said it was probably like having chest pain for her as those valves shut. She took her last breath on Easter Sunday in the afternoon surrounded by her family that loved her and oh didn't want to see her go.
So...I cry some tears today because it is with such a heavy heart...that I talk about her. We didn't get to be near her long but in those short 2 weeks she gave us soo much. She reminded us of the meaning of life, family, and what truly matters. Children are a blessing and it is life and the people around us that truly matter...what truly should make us want to be better people and focus on the true meaning of life. Nothing can be taken for granted. God had a plan....he wanted Kelsey for him and we had to and have to believe and trust that there is a reason for that.
A hug to you, Steven and Pam today....you are strong people and the memory of Kelsey Marie Hauge will always be in our hearts. She is our angel...little angel with soo large in our hearts!!
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