Oh...do you ever have trouble just seeing if there is a light...a relief period...an hour break of from the stress of life???
I am trying soooo hard to see that light...see the day when my days are "good" again. In "good" I mean no pain and no fears of the what ifs!!
This post will seem a downer and to be honest I guess it is but getting those thoughts out help me soo much. It is my way of letting them go or at least giving them a voice of their own.
3 months post op now and daily pain that makes me hide under my covers and groan and when that alarm goes off in the morning...I am not ready to face the day. Afraid...afraid of the pain all day. It is truly consuming.
Not all days are that bad. I can do what I need to do..have a smile on my face and keep up with some household stuff but believe me there are lots of days that is hard. It is pulling from the depth of my core to take a step and keep going because I am tired. I am tired of chasing this dream of feeling back to myself again.
Don't get me wrong..my world is still filled with rays of sun and energy that my kids give me. How can one not look at the 7 children and the spouse I have and know that all will be okay no matter what because we are together!!
Today I just wish I could be in a place where I am thankful and glad for the choices I have made with my back.
I am hanging on tight soo tight to faith and God who gives me the peace that I need. I am blessed. I know that. I just need a reminder that there is a light at this loooong tunnel I am going through.
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