Our driveway....a path to open spaces. Wide open spaces full of country scenes.
Right now in my life...trying to head down a new path. A path to a more confident...content..less anxious mom. I started to realize I needed to start to focus on a new path about 6 months ago and have truly tried to turn it over to a power greater than me. I start each day with eyes and ears that are much more open to...receptive to and willing to receive messages that come my way. Sometimes these messages are subtle ...sometimes very loud!!
The other night I was giving Marcus a bath in our sink...he is still such a little guy I can do that. Anyways I have a hummingbird that hangs above our sink that is from my aunt Carol who passed away 3 years ago now. This bird hung above her sink as well. It is a daily reminder of her and the blessing she was in our life. Anyways...when I wash the kids hair in the sink I always tell them to look up to the hummingbird...look up. Well Marcus knows that this bird he is looking at was Carol's. So he asked me "why did Carol have to die?" I simply and sadly stated that "her heart got tired" and that she is in "heaven now watching over us". Marcus thought long and hard for and then returned with a response that made me realize that he gets that death can happen to anyone. He says to me..."mommy...will your heart get tired?" I calmly re-assured him that my heart is a lot younger and shouldn't get tired. He then asked "can my heart get tired too?" I then told him that a 5 year old's heart is way too young to get tired. I told him that Carol had had lots of birthdays and that her heart got tired because she was older and was sick.
We both were quiet for awhile then...I think we were both thinking about our hearts. I thought of Carol's heart and although it became tired...it was a giving one.
So getting back to the pathway that I have decided to pursue truly stems from the absence that has been felt ever since Carol has died. She has made me want to make myself better...it took me awhile after she passed away to realize what that void was trying to tell me...but I have come to realize I have work to do. I take baby steps each day...sometimes backwards..but with time and the little conversations with my children...it helps me keep going in the direction I want to go! A path that will lead me to peace within my core. What path are you going down...and what does that path mean to you???
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