It is coming...

I have had a good day so far...

now here it is 5:38 pm and I can feel it coming.

Anxiety...attack...panic...setting in.

My heart is racing...I feel shaky...why can't I make it stop?

Perhaps you are all saying..."well...look at how you live...I would have anxiety too."

But that is not the case at all!!   At all!!

I sit here with just quiet Delaney and Grant who is as easy going as they come.

Noone else is home.  Boys and daddy are gone wrestling...girls not home yet from practice.

So why is it coming?   I can't pin point it.

I want it to stop...I just want it to stop for one day.

Can I Lord please have one day where I don't have this feeling.

It is a feeling of gloom....doom...sadness and like my heart is going to stop.

I hate it.   I get mad at myself too...why can't I talk myself out of it?

I try.   I read books...I breathe deep and I look at all I have to be thankful for but it doesn't make "it" go away.

So out to the kitchen I go to pop yet another pill to help calm me because I need to keep going...keep up the front...keep up the smile on my face for my children.

They don't need to know their mom is a mess inside.

Support...I try to surround myself with it but it just doesn't seem like enough.

I want to sleep...sleep...cry...hide all day!

Perhaps then...maybe then I can make "it " go away!

**don't worry about me...these posts generally depict a mess of a gal but I use this blog as a way to put my thoughts into therapy...so don't judge me, label me...because I do have a heart of gold and want to be the best I can!!*