Do you ever have moments when you say something...and then wish you could
just grab it right back? Well I guess I did that today. Worst thing is that I didn't even speak it
I texted it!! Yikes did I make an expolosion!!
All my life I have kept quiet...helped keep the peace at my own cost..
I have let numerous people in my life control me...say mean things...bully me as a child..
and NEVER once stood up for myself or stated my feelings or opinion.
I was the shy Kim who still is at times and suffers from the "disease to please"
Well today....I guess perhaps it is only the 3rd time in my life I have spewed off my opinion to my sister...
(who has shut me out of her life for now about 11 months) It was only about 8 words and I have been quiet for 11 months and I guess my whole adult life...and boy did I cause an uproar!!
I don't think I have ever been yelled at ....scolded more..or threatened by anyone the way I was today by her spouse.
I know I "texted" on impulse but it hurts to be shut out...it hurts that your own sister chooses a life without me and my children. I am no saint...but I also know that in the depths of my heart I have never purposefully hurt another...I am not wired that way. I have feelings...I have fears...I usually keep them to myself...because of this exact reason...cuz when I do speak...and yes I admit today I was feeling rather sassy, I pay the price!
I have been educated more today on what peoples real colors can be more than any other day
of my life.
My lesson today is that silence is truly golden...even if the words needed to be said...wanted to be said.
I should not have spoke! (even though I do feel I have a right)
I have been burned for the last time. I guess I have to come to the realization that my sister would rather be without me....and when I turned to my brother for support or an opinion today...he too told me I made an error and pretty much closed his ears to me as well.
I am turning this fear...hurt...and guilt over to God today!
This Kim is done...done ...done!!
I wave my white flag...I surrender...I give up!
I am alone but stronger for it!
Oh, Kim.....I'm sorry you are hurting today. In our family, we have a rift as well. Dennis' brother has absolutely nothing to do with us--on account of me.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to not stand up for oneself. Sometimes it is the right thing to do, though. I don't know your exact situation, but please do consider that perhaps what you said needed to be said; her response is up to her.
You are DEFINITELY not alone!
We need to have some coffee time together. I was just at Wal-Mart this afternoon and bought enough creamer to last me awhile!