This disease I have I have struggled with for my whole life I think...at least it feels that way. I have this disease to please..please everyone that I meet, love, or even at times dislike. I don't know where I caught it...can't seem to find a cure for it and at practically 40 years old you would think I could come up with something that would at least make this disease not such a defining part of who I am.
As you can see today is a day that I am feeling frustrated, unappreciated and in all honestly disappointed.
I suppose I need to look at what triggered this attitude of mine today. Yesterday to help give a "treat" to my 13 yr old for her upcoming bday on monday I agreed to taking her along with her sister, and 3 little ones all under the age of 4...to Fargo shopping and out to eat. It was a good day. Laughs, bumming around, and having a good lunch all to end up 8 hours later back at home with a fussy 5 mo old and 2 boys that have been pent up all day in a carseat or stroller..a tired mom...and don't get me wrong..I don't mind that part of it at all. I actually expect it and feel for them having to spend their day that way..but to end the day with 2 teenage dtrs that show no appreciation for the time spent with them, no appreciation for the things that were bought for them, and the attitude that they actually feel they should have more given to them infuriated me!! I had to leave the room and simply keep my mouth tightly shut.
So I ask myself today...is it me that has gone wrong...is it society that has taught our young to take and not be thankful...I see such a bigger message in this. Perhaps i have to many expectations...or have I gone overboard trying to please them and only to find that I have created this all myself?
I remember growing up...trying to please everyone in my family. if i could make everyone happy then they would be happy together right? Little did I know that no matter how much energy I put out there to try and make my siblings be happy....they still wouldn't be and all my efforts would just send me the message that I wasn't doing enough...or so I thought. Now to this day...I still have tried to make my sister happy...only to be told that "she is done with me" .. long story but I have to say it is another part of my life that I think perhaps I have allowed to happen.
It is an exhausting role to play...I get tired ..physically and emotionally...So tired....but tomorrow i will have new energy and will continue to try to cure myself of this disease that I have. I wake each day with good intentions, faith and a desire to create a happy house and perhaps please myself today..although I know that I am far down the list. But for today that is okay...at least I am on the list because years ago I wasn't even close.
As you can see today is a day that I am feeling frustrated, unappreciated and in all honestly disappointed.
I suppose I need to look at what triggered this attitude of mine today. Yesterday to help give a "treat" to my 13 yr old for her upcoming bday on monday I agreed to taking her along with her sister, and 3 little ones all under the age of 4...to Fargo shopping and out to eat. It was a good day. Laughs, bumming around, and having a good lunch all to end up 8 hours later back at home with a fussy 5 mo old and 2 boys that have been pent up all day in a carseat or stroller..a tired mom...and don't get me wrong..I don't mind that part of it at all. I actually expect it and feel for them having to spend their day that way..but to end the day with 2 teenage dtrs that show no appreciation for the time spent with them, no appreciation for the things that were bought for them, and the attitude that they actually feel they should have more given to them infuriated me!! I had to leave the room and simply keep my mouth tightly shut.
So I ask myself today...is it me that has gone wrong...is it society that has taught our young to take and not be thankful...I see such a bigger message in this. Perhaps i have to many expectations...or have I gone overboard trying to please them and only to find that I have created this all myself?
I remember growing up...trying to please everyone in my family. if i could make everyone happy then they would be happy together right? Little did I know that no matter how much energy I put out there to try and make my siblings be happy....they still wouldn't be and all my efforts would just send me the message that I wasn't doing enough...or so I thought. Now to this day...I still have tried to make my sister happy...only to be told that "she is done with me" .. long story but I have to say it is another part of my life that I think perhaps I have allowed to happen.
It is an exhausting role to play...I get tired ..physically and emotionally...So tired....but tomorrow i will have new energy and will continue to try to cure myself of this disease that I have. I wake each day with good intentions, faith and a desire to create a happy house and perhaps please myself today..although I know that I am far down the list. But for today that is okay...at least I am on the list because years ago I wasn't even close.
Aw, Kimmer, that sounds like a rough day...just try to remember that they are teenagers, and I don't know about you, but I was so awful to my mom when I was that age. From 12 until about 14 or 15, I was not good to her at all. I think it is a phase, and once you are through it, there will be better things on the other side, you just have to get there.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, you NEED to put yourself on the to-do list. If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy :)