So in one of my previous posts...I had mentioned I was gonna go visit my brother.
I did last Thursday 10.7.10.
He died in 1987, I was a junior in high school.
I sat in the grass for about a half hour or so enjoying the
beautiful fall weather...the breeze...and brushed the grass that
had stuck to his headstone from the previous mowings.
I cried...because in no way after all these years does it get any easier
when you know your brother took his own life.
I taped photos of my kids on and left a bottle of Pepsi for him.
He would have enjoyed my kids.
He would have enjoyed lots of other things too had he not made
the choice he did.
I will never know why...nor will I understand.
I just have to accept and be thankful for what time
I was given with him.
I know he is still near us...watching....and
probably wondering too if his choice was the right one.
I have to disagree with his choice but then again
that would be selfish of me.
I miss his smile, his jokes and seeing him drive
in his Mach 1 cars.
He could have been...
He should have been...
But he is not.
I do know that he is missed and words may go unspoken but
we think of him daily.
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| Mark Russel Hauge |
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