Family is everything to me...I don't think that is a big secret to anyone that knows me. I recently traveled over 6 hours to a funeral of my uncle who I grew up around as a child. Those were the days that we all still got together for holidays...annual summer reunions...just visits...but as life changed and kids grew up the visits now are pretty much limited to weddings and funerals. Rather sobering thought. It was nice to visit and get caught up with the cousins and my aunt Mary Ann who is now going to struggle living alone..without Ed. I looked around and realized what a close family they are in their own way...just as we are in ours. They are just seperate. I miss those days of visiting and catching up. I was saddened that my parents couldn't come. My dad is struggling so it was not a good idea for him to travel that far. I missed them being there because then perhaps for a moment it might have felt like the old times. Although...people have passed on and some did not make it.
So as I continue to think about how much family means to me....and recently attending this funeral...I wonder why some just don't get it? Why doesn't everyone realize that each day is a gift...a pleasure that may be taken at any moment? I know I have spoken of my sister and her desire to cut me out of her life...I just can't get why she thinks her choice is a good one. Won't she regret not knowing my 7 children...she hasn't even met Delaney. Won't she regret missing out on the family gatherings? Because right now any gathering we may have is done seperate from her and her spouse Jimmy. I know that in her mind she feels she is right. But she is not in a "right" place right now in my opinion. An abusive, verbally and emotionally spouse has changed her and has isolated her from all of us. We miss the Sandi that once was around. I struggle ...I struggle daily with the choice she has made. So what is the meaning of family to some? Perhaps a spouse alone is enough...to me...it is the center of my soul...my life...my dreams. I can not imagine looking around and having noone to call my own.
The 6 hour drive was a blessing....a time to reflect...listen to the chatter of my Grant...spending time with my sister-n-law Pam driving...and having a few jokes and talking with my brother. I think of my aunt...my cousins...who now do not have a father... I listened to them share stories of pride, happiness and the lessons they learned from their dad...their family. I bet they have no regrets....what do you say to someone after its too late...do you forgive...or let go now and move on? Each day...I look at the path I am led down and am thankful and find peace knowing I am trying...at least trying ...to be thankful for my family and do the best I can to not live with the fear of regrets.
No comments:
Post a Comment