So today I let things be said ...let feelings be shared...and dreams be told...so that I can start to work on myself. I have been struggling...struggling for a long time now. This disease to please...the insecurities...and the negative internal dialogue...has gotten the best of me. I am exhausted...mentally and physically and am starting to come to grips that I can not do it all...I can not keep up with this show that I am this super mom, super wife who has it all together.
I need to be able to focus on my needs and not have guilt ..and also perhaps have for just one moment a feeling that I actually deserve to have my needs met. It isn't something that will happen overnite...it is gonna take time and lots of baby steps. So although I know deep in my soul that I am blessed with the 7 beautiful and healthy children, a spouse that couldn't be more dedicated to his family and our life...a peaceful and wide open home to live in and also filled with love....I still have to find that peace WITHIN me...after all isn't realizing this the first step towards achieving that goal?
I get overwhelmed...I get crabby...I get behind in laundry..cleaning....but I have to say I am not behind in loving my children...my spouse...giving of my time and energy to them...I just am behind on me. Now...I guess I got some catching up to do!!
This post made me think of something our pastor told Dennis one time, in reference to me.
ReplyDelete"An empty vessel cannot serve."
Mama has to feed herself in order to serve her family, right Kim?
I will be praying for you as you journey along...
Thanks Melissa....it will take some work to do...but I have to first learn to leave the guilt behind when i do try and take care of myself...lessons learned in time right??
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